Eden’s Digest: Girls and The Asshole. Can He Be Changed?

Girls fall for the asshole.  It’s a proven fact.  But why?

A friend of mine, a self-proclaimed asshole, recently sent me an article explaining why single men often act like jerks. The article stated things like:

“Men should be confident… always looking for way to increase their status as an alpha male. In order for [them] to feel that [they] are fully utilizing the gift that has been given in being a man, [they] must constantly be observing and flaunting [their] own traits that can and should be envied by anyone in [their] presence.”

Do you think an asshole wrote this article?  At first, I did, but then I kept reading.  The article goes on to explain how the asshole was born.  The asshole was once a nice guy, maybe in love, or in a committed relationship.  But then, tragically, the girl he had devoted everything to, ripped his heart out.  Man must now be on the defense and shield himself from further heartbreak.  And thus the asshole is born.

Girls are often attracted to confidence.  Who has more confidence than the man standing in the middle of the room, no inhibitions, all eyes on him?  But, when you’re the lucky girl  who gets to go home with the most appealing man in the bar, you have to remember who the guy is.  The guy is an asshole.  He’s an asshole because he doesn’t want to get hurt.  And if he’s not going to get hurt, then be prepared, because you’ll be the one crying on your sofa with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in hand (truth.  been there). 

The question still remains, can the “bad boy” or “asshole” be changed?

My theory: yes!…. and sometimes no.

I’ll start with the friend who sent me this article in the first place.  He had his heart-broken, and became an asshole with a capital A.  He is absolutely a womanizer, a magnet to stage-5 clingers, and actually a really nice guy.  A guy I happen to call a very close friend of mine.  But since I’m not his prey, to me, he’s just like the rest of my friends who are only assholes when sparring sarcastically.

When he’s on the hunt, however, all bets are off.  He’ll find the hot girl with the low self-esteem and narrow in.  I’m not going to lie, this friend is a good-looking guy (friend, you know who you are, don’t let this inflate your ego even more).  Girls like his personality and his “charm.”  He brings them home and leaves them in the morning.  He keeps their phone numbers and calls them at 3am on a Saturday night.  And what do these girls do?  They come over.  GIRLS!  Stop doing that.  ONLY do that if the only thing you want out of your relationship with Asshole is sex.

Ok, moving on to Exhibit B.  I once had my heart-broken into pieces, when someone I thought was my best friend turned out to be an asshole.  This guy didn’t have his heart-broken, he wasn’t screwing around with other girls, he simply was scared of his own feelings, and left me asleep in my dorm room for two weeks before I could get out of bed and back in the game.  At the end of the day, Exhibit B is still a self-absorbed asshole, who probably can never be changed, but if it wasn’t for him, I would have not found Exhibit C.

Exhibit C.  My current boyfriend.  We’ve been together for almost 8 years.  But was he always my knight in shining armor?  Hell. No.  I was that idiot girl who CHOSE the asshole.  The truth is, at the time Ryan was pursuing me, I was about to start a relationship with  a really NICE guy.  A guy who was so attentive, so caring, and so safe.  I had to make a decision.  Do I go for the sure shot or take the risk and go with the guy who was more of a mystery, the guy who acted nonchalant yet confident?  Do I choose the nice guy or the asshole?  

I chose the asshole.  He was exciting!  I didn’t know what would happen next!  Here’s what happened next, we rarely went “out” on dates and we went to parties where he spent more time drinking and getting high with his friends than spending time with me.  I told myself, I’m not this girl.  I was losing interest, and I was losing it fast.  Most importantly, he knew it.  The asshole saw something special in me, something he realized he didn’t want to lose.  Though the first few months were a little rocky, and there were a few “almost break-ups,” those break-ups never happened.  Instead, Ryan cleaned up his act, paid me more attention, stopped skipping classes and started to get his life together.  Though, I still often had to lecture him on NOT sleeping during class – that’s just disrespectful!

Did I change the asshole? Or did the asshole change himself?  I think the only thing that can get an asshole to change is the thing that made him an asshole in the first place: love.

Is there an asshole in your life that you want to change?  Make him fall in love with you.  How? You set the rules.  Don’t be overbearing.  Leave him thinking about you.  Don’t over stay your welcome.  Don’t be a booty call.  Take things slow and make him awaken his inner curiosity.  If that doesn’t work, he’s not the guy for you.  Keep looking.


3 thoughts on “Eden’s Digest: Girls and The Asshole. Can He Be Changed?

  1. Men being assholes because their hearts got broken (oh boo fuckin’ hoo, I’ve had mine broken too) is a sign of weakness. Those who seek to inflict misery on others simply because they have turned aside from kindness and love are weak. Being an asshole isn’t a good thing, and being attracted to confidence should NOT go hand in hand with being attracted to assholes. People (NOT just girls) that are attracted to assholes cannot be surprised when they themselves are treated like one. If your heart gets broken, let it heal, but do not let it turn into iron. Personal misery is not meant to be projected on others when we hurt. It will only breed more sadness.

  2. And the whole ALPHA thing makes me sick. Men are not alpha simply by looking good and being confident. They are alpha be forcing submission and exuding dominance over lesser males. One can be alpha without being in the spotlight. The way I would express my dominance would simply get me jail time.


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